Life With Baby - Sleep

I walk up to complete strangers at the grocery store because their babies look just older than Henry, so they probably have lots of advice and can answer all of my questions. I have numbers in my phone of women I have either never met, or have met just once, and I have texted them for hours asking them to share their experiences. I try not to be too annoying, but some days I can't help myself.

I was not blessed with a good sleeper. He never had his days and nights confused, so it took me a while to realize that he wasn't a good sleeper, but I have spent the last couple of months realizing the extent of his sleep problems. All of my questions to friends and strangers with babies are sleep-related. Any time I describe my baby sleep situation to older adult friends, my parents, or my grandparents, the response is, "well my baby never did that," so it's hard to ask for and receive advice knowing that every baby is so different.

When Henry was two months old I asked other moms on Facebook how to get my baby to nap on his own. The response was an overwhelming "enjoy the snuggles! He won't want to nap in your arms forever." I am not sure if or how I could have done anything different, but he's five months old now and still doesn't really know how to nap except in my arms. 

A few weeks ago I asked my Facebook moms how to get Henry to sleep better at night. Once again their responses could not magically fix my baby. People have always been sympathetic and supportive in their responses, but hearing about a months-younger baby that has been sleeping through the night for the last few weeks doesn't solve Henry's issues. I recently spent almost $200 on a personalized sleep plan, but I'm not sure that will solve our problems either. 

Last night Henry and I woke up seven times. Not all nights are that bad, but nights with constant wakings take a toll on our relationship. Usually around 4am on nights like last night the only thought I have running through my head is "I hate my baby, why won't he sleep, I'm doing the best I can." I don't hate him, not really. But at 4am when I haven't had more that a 1.5-hour stretch of sleep at a time, I kind of do. Then, at 7 or 7:30 when he wakes up and he looks up at me with a smile and gurgle (or laugh or squirm or happy scream), I can't remember the negativity from a few hours before. I love him again, and hope that tonight will be different. I hope that tonight will be one of those nights where he wakes up only three times and I can maybe complete one R.E.M. cycle before needing to go in and feed him again.